the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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