I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
