i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
