Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
