um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
