3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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