You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
