Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
