I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
