fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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