yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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