Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This is classic penis vs brain.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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