DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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