My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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