She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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