do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
