Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
