I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
