just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
