the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
