FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
