Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
