my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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