i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
