i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
