So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
