She is in my trunk
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
