When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
