We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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