I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
