If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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