just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
