You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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