Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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