FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
