we have officially lost it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
