please come you make the beer taste better
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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