Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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