but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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