Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
