I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
