It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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