Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just puked most of my soul out..
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