im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
