You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
