she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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