Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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