How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Im part way to drunk.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
