You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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