you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
