my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
