i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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