i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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