Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
