so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
