I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
