Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
