I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
