I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he thought i was a dude.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
