accomplished twins. life is a go
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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