all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
