Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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