I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
