i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize